When I first stepped out to be a full-time missionary through music and to artists, I pictured things going a little better than they did. A few days after I informed the right people of my decision, it seemed as though God was beginning to open doors to do what I loved – ministering through music and mentoring artists. Things were starting off with a bang! I shared the stage with some of my favorite worship leaders, and I went out of state AND out of the country to do music in a three-week span. I was offered an opportunity to mentor an artist that would have paid me considerably more than I was making at the church. I thought it was all God’s plan.

Then things started to turn. Concerts stopped coming… which meant income stopped coming. The opportunity with the artist never materialized. After talking and waiting for about nine months, I eventually had to cut off the expectation of any kind of partnership. My wife and I prayed about what to do and we agreed that God wanted to do something with our RISE community and with the music he had given me. We decided that my wife would begin working for a season until we were able to build something that sustained us. While she was glad to help, my identity as a man took a heavy blow.

To add to all of this, I underestimated the toll that life had taken on my emotions. There were some things that I didn’t take the time to deal with on an emotional level. Years of hurt and offense came to resurface as this transition was taking place. I was tired. My whole family was tired. I was in a dark place where my faith was shaken in a way that it had never been before. I still tried to press on and create an album in the middle of the pain. I felt like I had to press on and try to keep what little momentum I had left. I set a date for the release of my new CD and I failed miserably to meet it. I was so disappointed in myself. I came face-to-face with my own limitations and I felt inadequate to minister let alone lead. I was on the verge of losing hope. Then Jesus did a thing.

A church asked me to do a spoken word for their Easter services and the theme was “Hope”. I found myself in a situation where I had to write about God’s power in the middle of tragedy… and I was mad at God for allowing my personal tragedies to happen. I felt like He abandoned us. But something awesome happened. As I began to write, the Lord began to remind me of who He was. He is God and He is Sovereign. And He is Love! As I wrote, I could feel the healing begin to take place. Then, in His mercy, the Lord showed me where I went wrong and how to get back on track. He also showed me that everything that I was seeking was already around me. He placed all the right people around me to help me in this season. It was me that closed the door to His blessings by not participating in genuine community with others.

I’m happy to say that I’m coming out on the other side of this valley. I’m coming out with a new perspective. I’m coming out with a new passion and new energy to work. And I’m coming out ready to RISE. Things that bothered me don’t bother me as much anymore. I’m not chasing the validation of people. I know longer want to be in the “in” crowd with people who tolerate me instead of celebrate me. Getting left out of things and circles can only mean that God has something better. My hope is not in idols and temporary saviors when I serve a God who is so much greater.

I want to encourage you. When everything that you put your hopes in falls apart, just know that God allowed everything to be shaken so that you’ll know the difference between the temporary and the eternal. The shaking revealed the foundation. The shaking came, but it didn’t take you out. You’re still standing along with everything else that was supposed to remain. It’s time to rise, my friend. RISE.

TO LISTEN TO THE SPOKEN WORD THAT I WROTE DURING THIS TIME, CLICK HERE.

When hurtful things happen to us, sometimes we truly believe that we’ve dealt with the situations and are able to move on. We never really take the time to grieve or heal. We just brush it off and go on for the sake of the family, the ministry, or whatever context we may find ourselves in at the moment. Transitions provide us with a space to breathe, examine situations and, most of all, examine ourselves. It’s at that place of examining ourselves that we find out that we’re not really ok. That was me.

My wife told me once that “the way you leave one season is the way that you’ll enter the next season”. I really do believe that to be true. I knew that if I left mad at everyone who did me wrong, then I would enter this next season unable to fully step into this new role of service that God has placed in front of me. There was just one problem. As much as I tried, I couldn’t let things go. I tried to remind myself of God’s love for me and how he forgave a sinner like me when I didn’t deserve it. But it didn’t work. I really needed God’s POWER to get over this stuff. Believe me, I felt like I had solid reasons to stay offended. I even used scripture to back up the fact that I didn’t have to forgive anyone who didn’t ask for my forgiveness. But the hurt and the ugly feelings towards people stayed. I had to give this whole thing to God. I told God that I couldn’t forgive even though my spirit wanted to. I told Him that I also knew that this unforgiveness would hinder me if I didn’t let it go.

On my way to a concert, I was praying in the Holy Spirit and I felt a huge weight lift from me. At that moment, I felt like I actually got the revelation that I was no one to hold anything against anyone else. I also felt something very special. I felt God’s love for me and His power to help me forgive everyone who hurt me. It was awesome! Only God gets the glory. Now I feel like I’m ready to receive everything that God has for me because my prayers aren’t hindered by an unforgiving heart. It gave me the confidence to know that God is for me so much that He would, in His grace, position my heart to be able to receive everything that He has for me. God is good.

I want to encourage you. A lot of friends, especially in our RISE family, are going through transitions. Reevaluation is happening. We’re beginning to rethink relationships, friendships, job situations, even theology… and basically life in general. God is moving us to a higher place. In the mind of God, the promotion was always going to happen. This new place that God has for was always reserved for us. The question is: are we really ready for it or are we going to hold on to the past by holding on to unforgiveness? You may never get the apology you need in order to forgive. As Jesus did, we must forgive those who do us wrong. (FOR)GIVE and GO do everything that God has called you to do. Live free! Greatness awaits.

#RISE

During the soundcheck for my concert last weekend, one of the volunteers came up to me and asked me how many people I would be attending the event with me. I started to add everyone up. “Well, I’ve got my family with me so that’s four total. Then I’ve got my drummer and his wife are with me.” My friend (who was also performing) had two people with him as well. The volunteer said to me, “We’re just gonna reserve two rows for all of you. Is that ok?” Two rows equaled about 14 chairs. I told the volunteer that it was great!

After the soundcheck, the service starts. I do my concert portion of the service, and then I go to the green room to cool down. I grabbed some water and headed back out into the service. If you know me, then you know that I don’t really like to draw attention to myself. I try so hard to be unnoticed that it’s to my hurt most of the time. There were over 500 people at this particular event… and here I am in the back of the building walking around in the dark and trying to find a seat in the back so that I wouldn’t bring any attention to me.

I finally found some seats that were blocked off. The event hosts obviously didn’t want anyone to sit there, but I’m one of the guest artists, right? So I snuck into this row that was blocked off and I just sat down. Oh yeah, there was this huge pole that was blocking my line of sight to a part of the stage and I was wayyy in the back. But I was unnoticed so I was good. Then the Holy Spirit whispers to me, “You have reserved seats in the front.” I totally forgot about those!  But the message had already started, and I couldn’t get up and walk to the front. That would bring too much attention to me when people should be listening wholeheartedly to the message. I decided that I was gonna stay right where I was… but that thought wouldn’t go away. I knew that God was actually challenging me to sit in the front. I stood up, walked to the front, and sat in my reserved seats. Something crazy happened when I did.

I didn’t hear anyone complaining about me distracting them as I was walking up to my seat. I didn’t hear anyone say, “Who does that guy think he is sitting in the front row?” I had plenty of room and I could see the stage clearly without a big pole in my way. Then came the lightbulb moment. People weren’t ever gonna be upset or even surprised that I sat in the front. In fact, people EXPECTED me to be in the front. In fact, some people probably thought that it was WEIRD that I WASN’T sitting in the front with the other guests. Then God started speaking to me again.

He told me that He has reserved places for me. These are places of influence. These are places of “more than enough” for me and for those who are with me. He told me that people are actually waiting for me to step into the places that God has reserved for me. Then He told me that I have actually been (1) holding myself back from receiving God’s full favor and (2) robbing others from receiving what God has given me… and I’ve been calling it humility. Ouch! In an attempt to blend in and feel like I’m no better than anyone else, I’ve been sabotaging my own mission. I wasn’t walking in humility as much as I was living by the fear of other people’s opinions and a mentality of lack.

So here I go. I’m embracing everything that God has called me to be. I’m not average. My life is a unique story that God is writing for all of eternity to read. And guess what? Your life is too. It’s time to RISE.

If you’ve been following my story, then you know that this whole thing started out with a dream. Figuratively speaking, I’ve had a long-time dream of one day being a full time recording artist and minister. Although I’m currently employed at a church, my ideal situation would be to serve without the need to be paid as a staff member. I would love to make a living by doing what I love the most – music. In my pursuit of this dream, God would later give me a night dream that would map out the course of my family’s life for the next EIGHT years. It sounds crazy, but it really reminded me of some Joseph or Daniel type of stuff from the bible! To make a long story short, the dream started playing out in real life. Each season of my life, from then until now, can be categorized in certain scenes of a night dream that I had years ago.

So here we are today. A lot has changed since that dream. I’ve been blessed to be a part of some great opportunities. I’ve been the opening act for some of the best artists out right now. I’ve toured through different parts of the country with my own music. Beside the fact that I feel like I’m juggling a million things at once, I feel like life has been pretty good! It’s in this time of blessing that I’ve received my “aha” moment. I’m called to be a forerunner, and this journey wasn’t just for me. While I have a God-given dream of making a career out of music, God has a bigger dream. He has a dream for the city of San Antonio and beyond. He has a dream for the world. As grand as my dream may be to me, my dream is really just a dream WITHIN a dream! With this in mind, my question then becomes, “God, what is your dream and what is my part in it?” I believe that He’s answered that question for me.

First, God has a dream for my first ministry – my wife. As much as I love her, God loves her even more. He wants to see her become all that she was created to be even more than I do. My part to play in His dream for Jeneil will be to help lead her into her destiny while using my platform to give her voice the greatest reach that I can give it. God has given her a well of wisdom, and it’s her time to share it!

Second, God has a dream for His people to reach and strengthen the arts community in San Antonio and beyond. My role in God’s dream for the arts community is to create, strengthen and equip artist communities to intentionally live on mission in the arts space.

You’ll see how all of this unfolds really soon.

One of my bible school teachers used to say, “Someone is waiting on the other side of your obedience.” It’s a sobering thought that someone is counting on me to reach my full potential so that they can reach their full potential. Losing cannot be an option. For God’s glory and for the good of humanity, I MUST RISE. I want to encourage you to RISE UP! People are counting on you to win.

Many Christians know Abraham is the “father of faith”. He stepped out into the unknown and followed God on several occasions in his life. But let’s look a little deeper into his story. Before Abraham was a spiritual rock star who had his name changed by God, he was just Abram. He was living an ordinary life with the rest of his family – until trauma was introduced. Let’s read Genesis 11:27-32:

To break it down, Terah had three sons: Abram, Nahor and Haran. The bible doesn’t say exactly what happened, but it does say that Haran ends up dying in his hometown – right in front of his dad. I have two daughters and I don’t even want to imagine having one of them die (especially right in front of me). This is the definition of trauma. The bible continues with the story and tells us that Terah takes his family and moves away from his hometown. We don’t know the motives, but we can imagine that being in his hometown was a constant reminder of the death of his son. Interestingly enough, he plans to take his family to Canaan which we know to be the “promised land” in the bible. As he’s traveling, they come to a place called Haran – a place with the same name as his deceased son. Instead of moving past a place that would for certain be a painful reminder of tragedy, he decides to settle there. And then he dies there. It’s at this point where we find Abram in Genesis 12.

1 Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. 2 And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.

At this point, Abram has experienced the death of his brother and father. He could have gotten offended with God and said, “Why did you let my brother and father die? A great nation? Why are you allowing my wife to be barren?” To our natural mind, he had so many reasons to doubt God and even hate Him. But his trust in God outweighed the weight of his trauma. And through trust, he went from trauma to triumph. I’m typing this now and you are reading this now because one man decided to jump the hurdle of trauma and succeed where his father failed.

I want to encourage you. Don’t die in “Haran”. Your family and everything you are familiar with may be there. But if you die there, then your life will only be a sacrifice to the idol of grief. Trust the Healer and live a life so blessed that generations will thank you.

#RISE

Jarrell

In the dream, I was in a pretty clean grocery store. It was a pretty well lit facility, and  I found myself stacking boxes with some of the workers. Have you ever had a dream where you knew certain things even though they were never directly communicated to you? In this dream, I knew that the job was super easy for me. I also knew that I was going to be getting a financial raise by choosing to work at this job. My family wasn’t in this part of the dream. It was just me and the workers. I also felt that my life calling wasn’t being fulfilled in the grocery store. I was just going through the motions. Then the scene switched…

My family and I were in the lobby of a business complex. It looked like a real shady place. The room lighting was really dim (like that dim yellowish kind of lighting). Between the lobby and the business area, there was a row of rooms with mattresses in them. I got the sense that, in order for people to get to business area, they had to spend some time in those rooms. My wife was dressed in business clothes and was headed towards the business area. I was sitting in the lobby with my daughters and a few other people. There was a lot of profanity being used in the lobby. I was concerned about the safety and innocence of my girls. Then the dream ended.

I woke up and knew what the dream meant. I would be presented with two options:

1. I could continue doing what I was used to doing (church leadership). It would be a nice and neat job that would come natural to me, but my family wouldn’t be active participants with me. I would get a financial raise.
2. I could go into the business sector. This would be a place that would not come natural for me (represented by the dim lights), and my wife would play a major role in leading this journey. It would be a place where we would encounter a lot of opportunities to compromise. I would have to become more intentional about the discipleship of my wife and kids in order to survive there.

Well, the dream is real. I was soon presented with the choice in real life. I can choose comfort or cultivation.

(click here to read part 2)

Well, the dream is real. A few weeks later, I received a random message from a church leader in Kansas. They wanted me to come and be their youth pastor. That one was easy to decline because…yeah…I didn’t feel like Kansas was for us! Shortly after that, I received another offer from another church here in San Antonio. A good friend told me that he heard about the position and the Holy Spirit brought my named to mind. This opportunity was a different story. I had old friends who attended the church. The staff is full of amazing people that I knew I could work with. I really liked the vision of the church. I even mentioned some stuff that I was reading in my personal time and they were already aware of the materials and seemed to be on the same page. After going back home and doing some calculations with my wife, I found out that I would also be getting an amazing financial raise with some great benefits. There would finally be some good margin in my family’s financial situation. We went to check out the church. The people were friendly, the facilities were nice, and there were great upcoming plans for expansion. We reconnected with old friends. The service was nice and neat…and it ended on time. It seemed like it would be something we could fit into. But then I remembered the dream. This was the well lit room where everything would come natural to me…and my family would just be tagging along for the ride.

During this time, my wife Jeneil was becoming more and more interested in…you guessed it…BUSINESS. I haven’t seen her this passionate about something (besides me) in a while! LOL! Seriously though. She’s been listening to podcasts, reading articles, and watching videos about entrepreneurship nonstop. The dream is real now. Do I commit to something that I know will help a particular part of the body of Christ and ease some financial strain for my family? Or do we blaze an unfamiliar trail together and see what happens?

Fulfilling my wife’s dreams has become very important to me. When we were married, she uprooted from the comfort zone of her family and friends in Florence, Alabama and came to join me in an unfamiliar city. I respect her so much for that. After almost 12 years, we are still trying to find out where and how she fits. She is a person who will serve anywhere behind the scenes. However, we both know that she has so much more passion and potential inside of her. I want her to find that place where service meets purpose. That’s where passion is ignited. It’s also important for another reason…

Growing up, I’ve seen many women follow their husbands around in ministry. They do stuff that they would never want to do in the name of submitting to their husbands. Years and years go by without them ever feeling like they have a unique calling from God. But I don’t see that in scripture. In the bible, I see the bride of Christ living in full submission to Jesus while discovering who the Father has uniquely created her to be. The bride of Christ isn’t tagging along on God’s global mission in a semi-depressed state. Unfortunately, this is what I see in a lot of ministry marriages. I vowed that this would never be us. I want to be like Jesus – intentionally leading my bride on a journey of discovery and adventure.

In the spirit of the dream and my convictions surrounding it, I declined the second youth pastor offer. I did it knowing that something would necessarily need to change with my current situation. We’re at a crossroads and it’s time to pull the trigger on some decisions. “Burn” and “GO!” have been on heavy rotation for me lately. I feel like it’s time for that leap of faith. It’s time to RISE.

Prayers please.

Let me say that the process of getting comfortable in our own skin is just that…a process. It’s a process that we have to be okay with. Until we’re comfortable with being ourselves, we’ll always run the risk of trading originality for acceptance. I’ve learned a lot of lessons about this. One story in particular comes to mind.

About 4 years ago, I was in a place where I really wanted to be busy with my concert schedule. I frequently did shows with a particular group of artists, and we would perform at various outreaches.  It was great, but there was just one problem: I came to a point where I didn’t want to travel with this group of artists and do the outreach concerts anymore. And that actually scared me. If you’re an aspiring artist, then you know that sometimes we’re just grateful to have shows. The more shows you have, the better it looks on the calendar. Everyone wants to look like they’re in high demand, right? This connection was where a lot of my concerts were coming from at the time. But while things were looking good on the calendar, I was dreading the next event. Why? Here are a few reasons:

1. The events were never really done well. Sure, the sound was decent…but that was about it. Reaching people in excellence seemed to be an afterthought.
2. I was doing the concerts out of guilt. I thought that if I declined an invitation to do a free event, then I must be in it for the money.
3. The group of artists started to be seen as some special group who got all the shows. I got this feel from a promoter too. I didn’t want to be a part of that.

There was one more reason why I dreaded the concerts. It was because they were mainly street evangelism events. Now don’t get me wrong, I think that street evangelism is needed. But at that time, I was questioning if I was the one to do them. My passion was (and is) to help strengthen the body of Christ for ministry. Maybe my upbringing in the church environment has something to do it. Maybe that’s just how God wired me. Either way it goes, posting up outside with a speaker system in hopes that people will hear the message is not really my thing. I can and will do it if God directs me. In fact, I do a couple of yearly outreaches that are pretty much like that. God always shows up and blesses it. However, I don’t wake up thinking, “Man, I can’t wait to post up on the next block for Jesus!” It took me a while to realize that these feelings did NOT mean that I didn’t love Jesus or souls. I’m not a lover of money if turn down a free outreach with 100 other artists on the lineup. I finally got to a place where I was able to tell one of the guys not to book me for any more events with the group. It was uncomfortable, but in the end I was okay. The energy that I used to “fit in” could now be redirected towards carving out my own lane.

The journey continues. Today, I find myself being faced with challenges that feel more like barriers to me fully expressing what God has put inside of me. Working for a church (and specifically in children’s and youth ministry) is awesome, but it can also present a few challenges to me as an artist. I feel like there is this unspoken expectation to say nice, kid-friendly things all of the time. I also feel like I can’t say too much about struggles within church life. People might think that I’m talking about my specific congregation or specific people within the congregation. And if I were to talk about specific things that I’ve experienced, where is the line between authenticity and putting church people on blast? I try to be a very honest person, but will I ever be okay with being honest in these situations? The answer is simple: I have to be okay with being truthful.  I have to be authentic. It’s who God calls me to be AND it’s what good art is all about. It will require humility and honor, but I can’t just remove honesty. I also have to be okay with my music being explicitly centered on the gospel when a lot of Christian rap artists seem to be steering away from that. I have to be okay with making music that doesn’t sound like a stereotypical rap project. Mixing genres and experimenting isn’t for everyone, but it is for ME. In choosing to be true to who God made me, I’m doing my unique part to display God’s greatness while introducing a new normal to the culture connoisseurs around me.

What are the areas in your life where you need to be a bit more comfortable in your own skin?

After that interesting concert experience on Saturday evening, Jeneil and I decided that we were gonna go to Clearwater Beach on Sunday morning. My wife was really optimistic during the weekend. That was weird because I’m generally the more optimistic one in our relationship! But on that Sunday morning, I was ready to move on. We took this picture on the beach. Yes, I posted it. Yes, I was smiling. Yes, “future too bright” was a faith confession! Jeneil was smiling because she likes beaches.

Future too bright!

A photo posted by Jarrell Flowers (@jarrellfmg) on Oct 9, 2016 at 11:32am PDT

We left the beach, returned our rental car, boarded the plane, and we began to have some uncomfortable conversation about what we learned from the conference. We both felt like God was (and is) elevating my personal platform in the area of music. However, we didn’t feel like He was doing that with our independent record label, Freedom Music Group. In fact, trying to be an excellent artist and a great CEO of a record label sounded draining after we heard all of the work that it would take to make that happen. I came to the realization that I couldn’t do both, and that I needed to follow the path that the Lord was already blessing. As we talked, we decided that we were no longer going to pursue establishing a record label. When I confirmed this, Jeneil actually cried tears of joy. Like…REAL tears! I couldn’t believe it. I asked her, “Why are you crying?” She looked at me and said, “Because I didn’t want to do a record label either.” Naturally, I asked her why she hadn’t said anything before. She told me that she decided that she was going to support me in whatever I felt like God called me to do. Then more crying happened. She was relieved…and so was I? As soon as I said “we’re not going to do a record label”, I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was a great concept, but it was never really us. Why had I held on to it for so long?

I held on to it because I felt like a record label was the only way that I could provide a platform for artists that I believed in. I want to see other artists succeed. A record label would allow me to help empower artists and give them a platform while creating another stream of income for myself and my team. I think that I just got locked in to the idea that a record label was the only way to offer a platform to artists while monetizing my efforts. There was another reason too. I feel the most comfortable when I’m helping others. I feel the least comfortable when I’m helping myself. This may sound good and spiritual on the surface, but it actually does a lot of damage. The reality is that my family has struggled as I’ve tried to be a help to others. We hardly ever do family vacations because time and resources are generally spent trying to help someone else. Our summers are spent doing 5k runs, multiple camps, backpack giveaways, and lots of concerts. Holiday time was spent prepping to serve families in the neighborhood through our Christmas Breakfast at the church. And of course, there are concerts. Even with the concerts, sometimes I tend to sell myself short in the name of helping other people. Serving was at an all time high and family bonding time was at an all time low. And it all seemed spiritually justifiable until recently.

I don’t know what is going to happen with Freedom Music Group. I do know that is currently a company through which I manage my personal music. I know that I’ve connected with some talented people who believe in me and have said “yes” to helping me build FMG. I know that I still want to help provide a platform for artists. And I know that things are going to have to grow organically in order for me to invest more time and energy into it. I’ll know when that effort will start to demand more attention. Right now, I’m going to invest into me. And I believe that investing in me will prove to be an investment into others in the long run.

That decision (the decision to invest into myself) already feels weird. It even feels scary. At least when you’re trying to invest into others, every failure seems like a noble one. And when you die people can say, “He was a man who selflessly served others.” I’m almost ashamed to admit this, but helping others from a place of wholeness is a new concept for me. It’s not new in theory, but it is in practicality. Please pray for my family and me. There’s actually more on the cutting floor. Focus is a major key for us right now. At the end of the day, we just want to please God in all that we do. Thanks for reading – and enduring my shameless plug because I’m investing in me now. LOL!

Connect with me on social networks by clicking HERE. Buy my latest CD called “Between Dreams and Reality” by clicking HERE!

Jarrell

I had all of this on my mind going into my Flavor Fest concert performance. I tried to get my mind clear by leaving the green room and just talking to the Lord. I knew this concert was going to be challenging. I only had 5 minutes to perform so I could only do one song. There was previously an option for an in-house drummer and a DJ to play along with me, but plans had changed at the last minute and I would only be doing my song with a DJ. I actually picked my song based on the fact that there would be a drummer there. As you could imagine, everybody was going to be doing their most hyped songs to get the crowd into it. I figured that I’d deliver a message that I felt we all needed to hear as a Christian hip hop community. I wanted to present a message of surrender to Jesus so I chose my song “I Surrender”. I figured that it would still have that substance that we needed plus the beat would still hit hard with drums backing it. Here’s how it ended up playing out: Canon (who has an insanely high energetic set) went on. Oh yeah, Canon brought his own drummer. Then a guy named Roy Tosh went on. Don’t mind him. He only has over a million Facebook views on one of his videos lol! And even with that, he is not as popular as some of the other artists that were there. He had a leg injury so dude walks out there with a crutch, sits on a stool, and absolutely kills his performance. I still don’t know how he had the crowd into his performance while sitting on a stool. It was obviously less energetic than Canon’s performance, but it was still crazy! And then comes my performance…without the drums. There is a switch in DJ set ups and now the legendary DJ Morphiziz is spinning my track. (DJ Morphiziz has toured with Kutless, Seventh Day Slumber, Acquire the Fire, and KJ-52 to name a few.) For some reason, the track starts out SUPER low. I ask the sound crew to turn up the music. I look at the DJ. He’s trying to figure something out as the song is playing. There’s nothing I can do except to go with it. They eventually brought the volume up about a third of the way into the song. I did my song as best as I could with the Lord help, and got off the stage. I was kind of dejected. They took me to the back to do a media interview. We passed the Rapzilla room (popular Christian rap website), because “who’s Jarrell?” We passed the Trackstarz room (semi-popular Christian rap and media site). We passed the DeMarco Films room (semi-popular), and we went into a room for the two smaller media outlets. One of them passed on an interview with me, but I was grateful for the one who did want to interview me. When my interview came around, they switched interviewers. Instead of the well spoken and energetic host that they gave to the previous popular artists, they gave me a host who would later apologize to me because he was admittedly sleepy during my interview. I was trying to be energetic. He was literally trying to stay awake. After the interview, he says “Man I’m sorry. Let me get your number so we can interview through Skype or something.” He knew that the interview was horrible lol! I had been trying to explain to this guy that we had met online years ago, but he didn’t remember me. So then came the awkward moment when he went to add me as a contact and realized that he already had my number saved in his phone lol! Gaaaaah!

It was confirmation. I realized that hardly anyone knew me outside of a number of circles in my city and a few spots on the map where I had been for my Dreams to Reality Tour. Almost everyone that I performed with at Flavor Fest had thousands of social media followers. I never really thought that was important, but apparently labels do. It’s a way that they help to determine if you have a following. And after thinking more about it, it should be important to me too. It’s not that I want to be some popular rap star. But to some degree, numbers mean influence. And influence allows a person to be a part of both cultural and industry conversations. I feel like I have something to add to the culture – the word of God that pulls people back to a hunger for the presence of God and for His justice in the earth. And I think it could bless a lot of people if they heard it from my vantage point. It’s like I said in my song Burn: “I was made to birth a movement and I can’t ignore it.” I really believe that. So here I am believing that I’m here to start a movement and here comes reality whispering, “You barely have any followers!”

I was given advice about how to increase my social platform, but remember – I’m tired. I’m not looking for another thing to put on my to-do list as an artist. If the truth be told, I’m struggling to fulfill my responsibilities at home and at work due to my music schedule picking up. I haven’t really found that balance yet. I’m trying to be faithful with the people that God has put in front of me. The last thing on my mind is trying to grow my Twitter following. I said to God in frustration, “If you really want me to have a following, then you’re gonna have to bring people to me. I don’t have the energy to chase followers.” I wouldn’t mind trying tips and tricks if being an artist was all that I did. But it’s not. I guess the bottom line is that if I’m going to be successful as an artist, then something’s gotta give. Something’s gotta go.

My wife and I had a long and honest talk on the plane ride back. We decided what we needed to cut.

(continue to part 3)