Can Marriage and Artistry work?

Can Marriage and Artistry work?

It seems as though artists who celebrate long marriages are an anomaly these days. Now, celebrity power couples have become an obsession in our American culture. We seem to hold on to celebrity marriages for dear life. It’s as if society says marriages do not last, especially celebrity artist marriages. So we watch them closely while hoping for the best. We want to believe that marriages can last until death, as it did in our grandparents’ day. That may be why it feels as if the hope is being sucked out of society when we hear of “Brangelina” (or the celebrity equivalent thereof) divorcing. When an artist that we admire goes through a divorce, it solidifies our fears that a good marriage can’t happen for us. That’s hard because we all want #RelationshipGoals, right?

After 13 years of being married to an artist, I can tell you there are pros and cons. Every marriage takes work, whether you’re an artist or not. But I must say, my marriage has been one of my life’s greatest works. It’s a work I have devoted a lot of time and effort into. My relationship with Jarrell has been the relationship that I have put before all others for the last 15 years. So even though we are sooooooo different from each other, we are still together. Even though we do not initially agree on a lot of approaches to segments of our life, we are still together. Even though he has lots of females around him all the time because he is an artist, I still trust him and we are still together. Despite these things, our partnership grows and expands each year. Even though right now we are in one of the most stretching and scary seasons of our entire marriage…we celebrate 13 years today.  Another year down. We are an anomaly. I want to see all of my married creative friends go beyond celebrating that their marriages have made it another year. Instead, I want to see their union and partnership get better and better as they simultaneously bring their creative visions to life.

3 Keys that I believe has helped our artist marriage thrive over the years:

1. Jarrell has always acknowledged our marriage and family to his fans, in his music, and from the stage- Sometimes we feel like the “odd man out” when we are at large industry events… simply because we are married with a family. Singleness is esteemed in the music industry sometimes. Maybe you’ve seen a few married artists choose not to wear their wedding rings on stage in order to give a “single” look to their fans. It happens, but I don’t know if Jarrell and I would still be together if he felt like he had to pretend like his family didn’t exist in order to “make it” as an artist. All that pretending on stage could definitely tempt an artist to act like it is true, even when the music stops.
2. He has purposely made space for me in his music career- Music isn’t “his thing” it’s OUR thing. I can’t play instruments, sing, rap, or produce music, but WE have music albums. You may ask, “How can you claim his hard work as an artist as your own?” While I haven’t played a creative role in the putting all of the music together, he has allowed me to play major parts behind the scenes of the album’s production. It is 100% a team effort. He has given me the freedom to insert my giftings into what he does. Over the years, I have invested more and more into the creative process as I have realized my talents and his needs. Music can never be “the other woman” if we are doing it together. In fact, every member of #TeamFlowers (our family) has consistently sacrificed to support his creative endeavors.
3. We both have submitted our lives to our Creator- I saved the most important key for last! Because we both strive to please our God, it can help bring closure to the disagreements that could destroy our union. I know that, if Jarrell is really in the wrong and not listening to me, he will listen to his Creator correcting him. That makes all the difference. I don’t have to nag or whine or manipulate to get him to see his errors. I just have to patiently allow the Holy Spirit to change his heart on the matter so that he sees the truth. And this happens vice versa too. Ecclesiastes 4:12 teaches us that one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, but a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Our Creator is our 3rd strand.

Today Jarrell and I have been married for 13 years. We would love to celebrate marriages with our friends. In the comments, tell us who we are celebrating by telling us your names and how long you have been married.

Bonus: Watch a music video of my family here. If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time let this song encourage you.